Flashback

Day 39

Flashback to the day Charlie Grace was born.

I get very teary looking st these photos....I have spared you actual c-section photos and photos of her just moments old that my lovely midwife took. Those ones I'll hold close to me as even though I was awake I didn't witness her being born or the first 30mins of her life. I have sadness around that. Hearing her but not seeing or touching her. A mama's first instinct after giving birth is to reach for her baby and hold it close. I missed that. But I take comfort in the fact that she enjoyed skin to skin with her daddy. I love that photo so much. I also love the fact that someone captured the first time I held her and her first feed. I always cry looking at that photo. It was such a massive journey bringing Charlie into the world....planned home birth...failure to progress past 5 cm...posterior lying (the most hideous back pain) ....a spinal and an epidural and consequently led to a c-section.

The recovery and healing from that journey has been a story in itself....but we are getting there...slowly. In spite of any sadness I might have around her birth I also am totally thankful and happy with the decisions that I made and the care that I received. I do not know why it ended up like this but I do know that God is good and He gives us good things...I choose to believe this and the fact I will never know why is ok with me. As we are near the end of #first40withcharliegrace I look at her in awe and wonder...totally marveling at the miracle that is life....and the fact that I get to do this...this life. I get to be her mother. I get to be mother to 7 others....I get to be a wife...get to be in ministry....I get to live this life of privilege because it is a privileged one and I get choose how well I live it. I want to live it well. I want to make a difference, be a world changer....and to do that you just can't dwell on what isn't or the things you don't have or didn't get.

Look at those hats

Thankful for the Medication

Day 38 of 40

Day 38.

I am expecting Charlie to be awake for a long while now and to be extra hungry. Church this morning....slept the whole time, home for a quick lunch where she had a feed and then out to Hamilton for a few hours...slept the whole time again. Needless to say I am wanting/needing her to have a couple of big drinks...for my comfort as well as sustenance for herself. If you are or were a breast feeding mum you'll catch my drift. I really wished I had snapped a pic of Charlie being cuddled and held by one of the elderly ladies at church. She is such a strong dedicated women of faith that has suffered many losses over the years. To see the expression of joy on her face while she was holding her was priceless. It blessed me seeing her so blessed as she kissed her downy head and snuggled into Charlie's chubbiness. I originally asked her of she could hold her so I could go to the bathroom but was so blessed instead. Melted my heart with warm fuzzies.

So last night's sleeping arrangements went....um well....let's just say I started off with good intentions but the look of her in her giant bed ALL the way over in her own bed (a whole 40cm) made her look tiny. Plus she wasn't happy with the new arrangements soooo Jamie ended up sleeping in her bed and her in with me. We will try again at a later date. BUT I will say everyone had a very goodnight sleep so that's the main thing isn't it. I totally see a yurt coming our way.... I am realising that we are coming to the end of #first40withcharliegrace and I am thinking about what to do next. Do I continue and if so what does that look like? Do I feature more of the rest of the family? What else should I write about? If you want to vote comment below or check out my stories and have a say. So many of you have said how much they have enjoyed this piece of writing I have been doing...how much they relate and how thought-provoking it has been. I thank everyone who has given me feedback over this time. Totally makes sharing our journey worthwhile. knowing it's enjoyed is very much humbling and a blessing

I do love my sleep! 

She's so lucky

Day 35.

I really do think that Charlie is the luckiest baby girl around. She has so many people that love her and can't wait to give her snuggles. I don't need to worry if I am busy or out of the room that she will be upset by herself....at the first cry someone is there ready to pick her up and she LOVES snuggles. It was a #lovingarms day today and I was in and out packing up a bundle. So my beautiful friend Ashlea swooped in to rescue the squirmy bubba from her capsule. I really do feel so blessed.

Charlie's stint of feeding all day ended last night and she only woke twice for a big drink...do big in fact that she gulps it down and you can hear it bouncing off the sides of her stomach. She is such a noisey drinker.

She's five weeks old today. It's hard to believe that it's only been weeks since she was inside me. I often sit and think about all the ways I am changed as a person and as a mother since having her. You really don't understand how much you can multiply love you have to give and how much you can multi-task until you have to. You simply grow into it.

We have a birthday in the house next week so a sleep over is happening here tomorrow.... exciting times. I'll have three teenage boys...please do are a thought for our food bill!

Ashley & Charlie

Day 33

Day 33.

Ok I am cheating a little as I took this photo late last night. See I told you she would wake up and that she did.

Charlie is all cheeks! Seriously just look at them. I like to "eat" them all the time. Nom nom nom.

I see her change every day. Everyday she is so different. Her night out last night must of tired her out because she basically has slept most of the day. Slowly the fights over who is going to hold her is coming to an end I think they have learnt holding her means running the risk of being spilled on. Now that's just funny!

We are off to the big smoke tomorrow to see the physio for my poor stomach muscles. I am praying they can work miracles. I don't want to look pregnant forever. I am also off to the osteopath tomorrow for my back and neck. I know I still have a fair bit of healing to do...do hopefully these things will start me on the right track and things can start to look up.

I need some suggestions lovely mamas out there. I need to find something to wear....semi-formal, not to clingy, need to breast feed in it and not too short. I need within two weeks. And doesn't cost the earth. Thoughts? Ideas? Help a girl out....please! I need to look halfway decent.

Day 31

Day 31

Today was better than yesterday although I have been battling a headache which is more than likely from a sore neck and shoulders. The sun was shining too which makes a huge difference doesn't it?

Isn't that the way the life goes though...we all have dark days, hard days and bad stuff happens but like the grey dreary weather it never lasts forever...and like the sun that always comes out so does the good times, blessings and rest too.

Charlie is learning to smile and learning to 'talk' baby chatter. This always always melts my heart and brings me utter joy. There simply isn't anything like it.

Someone asked me today if I had suffered the baby blues...I had to stop and think. No I hadn't. I have certainly been reflective over these last few weeks and often that brings me to years but I hadn't experienced any baby blues like I had in previous post-birth periods. I am in a totally different space this time....seeing this time as a gift and not so much the struggle. I definitely have had way more healing and rest time where I have been able to pull back from responsibilities breathe and soley sink myself into enjoying wee Charlie and enjoying just being a mum for a while.

What I have learnt most of all...is to let go. Let go of the control and the stress that brings because for me when I try to control it actually brings me more stress. To slow down and find beauty, which brings joy. And we all need joy, don't we?

Charlie is certainly well loved by her siblings who fight over who is going to hold her next. Here is Jesse enjoying some skin time with her. I love that he loves her so much.

Ya! Cousins

 Day 30.

When Cousins Meet.

We had a mid-year family dinner tonight where Charlie met her one of her older cousins. Looks like love at first sight don't you think?

We have had a bit of a rough day around here...(nothing to do with baby) and everyone is a little unsettled. Charlie remains oblivious to it all and is still her super chilled self. Sleeping while she was passed around family members each wanting a snuggle....who doesn't love a newborn snuggle.

To be honest I am totally uninspired to write anything tonight....the day doesn't really deserve documenting. But what I do know is that I am incredibly grateful for family and friends and sweet newborn snuggles

Day 28: And Growing Fast

Day 28.

Four weeks old!

Can you believe it! I can't. On one hand it feels like she's been here forever.... on the other hand, it feels like she's only just got here yesterday. Perhaps that's how mummy brains work!

These two pics are simply how we roll around here. She sleeps and she gets kissed, squished and picked up purely because she looks cute. She remains asleep. Anyone else would find that annoying....I know I would.

So yesterday I clearly was in some kind of tailspin and felt I was frazzled...Today well I felt like I am winning at life....phew! Thank you, God. We spent another afternoon down at Loving Arms packing up bundles for mums in need. Charlie was a gem and spent most of the time asleep. Seeing she's a newborn I love our ring sling...it's so comfy and she snuggles on in and goes to sleep. I can remain hands free to do things like drink coffee, fold clothes and write words. Plus it's so easy to quickly put on. Once she is a bit older I prefer the wrap. That's life saver.

It's date night tonight....I can't wait. It means I can see what my husband looks like again and two I don't have to do bedtime by myself. Wahoo. Last night I was literally running around around the house after Frankie (3) trying to catch her for bed....She told me she wanted to stay up all night. She didn't but she had a good go. So here's to a much more simpler night.